Guidelines on parenting styles

Parenting is perhaps one of the most rewarding things that any of us can do in our lives but also it is the toughest work. You will commonly be pushed to your full capacity. You will learn things that your prior years of education and career never taught you. To do your job rightly it is necessary to adopt different parenting styles depending upon the situation. You undoubtedly are sure to experience great joy, challenge and change. With each milestone in your child’s life brings with it a different focus for you as a parent. The basic ingredients that is essential for growth and development remains the same all throughout the childhood.  It is the responsibility of the parents to work these ingredients into your child’s daily routine. 

It is very important that the parents should identify many of the important needs of children and find out ways to meet those needs as they grow through all the stages of development which includes infancy, toddler, preschool, school-age, preteen and teen years. An understanding of your child’s stage will give you a clear idea why is she behaving in that particular way. The understanding may help you to figure out way to respond to your child’s particular behavior. You can adopt a particular parenting style depending on these developmental milestones. It has always been a debate issue for all parents as how to rear their children. Most of time parents adopt the ideas of their parents; some take advice from the friends while others read books on parenting. 

Over the years there are many different parenting styles that are adopted. But all the ideas as to how to rear the child are grouped into three styles. 

Permissive:  

Permissive parents have few or no rules for their children. They give most of the control to their children. With modernization entering into all the facets of society this style is adopted by many parents. They want their children to feel free and not tied down to any routines. There are no set boundaries for the child’s behavior or expectations and they tend to accept everything in a warm and loving way. These types of parents give their children too many options which can often lead to misbehavior.

Impact on children:

These children tend to perform poorly at school. They always experience problems with authority and they rank low in terms of regulations and self happiness. 

Authoritative: 

These types of parents are both demanding and responsive. They monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s behavior and they establish rules and regulations that their children should follow. This style of parenting does not impose without consideration and it is more done in a democratic way. The parents are responsive and are willing to listen to their children. Children are guided to meet their expectations and if they cannot they are forgiven and guided but not punished. They are very clear in imparting guidelines for the behavior of their kids and their conduct. They are not restrictive and intrusive but are assertive. The method adopted to discipline the kids is supportive and not punitive.

Impact on children:

This parenting style often makes child confident. These children are often seen to be more happy, capable and successful.

Authoritarian:

This style of parenting is the most restrictive and strict. Here the children are expected to follow all the rules set by parents and failure to this may result in punishment. They do not feel necessary to explain the reason behind these rules. They are least responsive to their children and often have high demands. They set high standards for their kids and usually are very critical if the children fail to meet these standards. They usually do this with lack of warmth and affection. In this type of styling the parents usually do not feel the need to explain why they want their kids to do certain things in a particular manner. Usually these types of parents are obedient and status oriented.

Impact on children:

In this styling children are usually proficient and obedient. But they are generally unhappy and are low in self esteem. 

With all the different styles of parenting you have to decide which is best. Before deciding your goal should only be to produce happy, confident and capable children. It is most desirable to create a cohesive approach to parenting.

Step parenting advice

There are many different situations to talk about when it comes to step parenting. Taking on the role of step parenting is one of the most difficult. Each situation is different from others as being a step mom or dad to an infant is different than getting involved into an established family having teenagers. The way you raise your child and the rules and regulations you have to follow are the same no matter you are child’s birth parent or a step one. It is all about the way you approach your role and the attitude you develop to adapt in different situations. Raising step children is multi faceted endeavor. You cannot expect that you will be accepted in the family instantly. Allow some time to know the family and work on being friend. 

Tips on step parenting:

Patience:

Most of the people get into blended family to desperately make it work. Do not try too hard for affection and approval. Always have your limits set, if you tend to overdo the kids will resent it. Be patient as love grows slowly. Bring in occasional gift or arrange some special time alone, all this will help you to bond with the child. Care, love and affection will come with a good relationship, but you have to give it the time and space to grow.

Communication: 

The only way to resolve the problem between the step parent and child is by sensitive and thoughtful communication. The first step of teamwork is by having mature and thoughtful discussion. When you say teamwork it includes sharing duties, disciplining, supporting each other and passing out rewards and fun. Communicating with children takes both instinct and openness.  It is very important to listen respectfully to one another. Best discussions take place in an open and nonjudgmental atmosphere.

Discipline:

The biggest challenge for any step parent is to discipline the children. It is best to discipline before the need arises. It is often noticed that step children can often resent the discipline coming from step parent. To manage the relations successfully, establishing ground rule is the key. Calmly but clearly express to your child what acceptable behavior in all sorts of daily situations is. The discipline guide lines have to be discussed by the couple before telling to the children. It is important that both parents abide by the set rules. Also by doing so, expect some misbehavior at each stage of child’s development. Establish the stepparent as more of a friend or counselor rather than a disciplinarian. It is important that let the biological parent be the disciplinarian till the step parent has strong bond with the kids. 

Money Matters:

It is very important that the step parent and the biological parent discuss about the money issues before the wedding. To make your child understand include him in your financial discussion and planning. Discuss spending habits, child support, income and expenses and also about kids allowances. Make your children realize the value for money this will help you and them to cope up various financial issues. 

It is very natural that the child will direct anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a stepparent or parent. As a stepparent you will have to learn to accept it initially and deal with it. With the passage of time and with right efforts things will ease out. It is very important to have unified parenting approach. Communicate clearly, openly and frequently as this will reduce the opportunities of misunderstanding and increase more possibilities for connection. Kids can adjust to new family members and a new living situation when they feel empathy and understanding from their parents and stepparents.

Parenting books- your best guide

Parenting has always been mixed bag of feelings. It is one of the most precious and at the same time most demanding experience. We all form strategies to raise our kids but this can backfire. At times we are lost and we do not know what to do. To help us understand our child and all the aspects of parenting there are many parenting books which cover various child related and parent related topics in depth. A good book can be your best help to raise your child. The market is full of these books and magazines but not all provide useful information. Find a book that deals with your problem and helps you to find a solution.

               

Parenting books refer and discuss topics including sibling rivalry, temper tantrums, bedtime struggle, homework challenges, morning chaos, disrespectful, money struggle, toddler problems, parenting burn out and what to expect in first year and many more. Refer to books that are fun to read, offer parenting advice that works and gives an insight into simple to most difficult problem. Always keep realistic goals and don’t expect that when you implement what you have read on to your kids they will change overnight. With constant efforts you will see change over a period of time. By using advices from these books and putting into effort day by day you will see positive change in your children and be proud of them.

Parenting books should be practical, realistic and easy to understand resource for dealing with different behaviors of the children. These books are available on topics like understanding the power of ‘networking’ to the importance of time management with kids, general parenting and parents of teen, parenting books for parents for all ages, parenting books on school, college, career and testing and special topics. These books should help you to have all the tools to recognize the problem, treat it properly and prevent it from happening again. They should help to promote greater self-confidence, effective coping skills and improved quality of life. Irrespective of your child’s personality you will find various options for way to connect with your child and helping her to make better choices.

With so much option available in the market it is easy to get confused. There is myriad of options to select from. It is better to select a book that is recommended by the parents and you can easily find them by reading parents forums, reviews and columns. Some of the best rated books are:

-     Dealing with Disappointment by Elizabeth Crary,

-     How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber

-     Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Cohen

-     Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay. 

-     Positive pushing: how to raise a successful and happy child by Dr. Jim Taylor,

-     What every 21^st century parent needs to know by Debra.W. Haffner,

-     Video games and your kids: how parents stay in control by Hilarie Cash, PhD, and Kim McDaniel, MA  

-     Dancing with my daughter by Jayne Jaudon Ferrer.

Parenting books offers a hands-on approach to help parents improve the dynamics in their own families and get comfort in knowing that they are not alone in their struggles and concerns. It helps them to gain a better perspective on their child’s emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical development.

Tips on parenting toddlers

Toddlers can be the most demanding and this can be the most trying times for the parenting toddlers. This age requires more patience and finesse in you to get cooperation from your child. This is so as the child is in transit phase and he has not reached the age here he can see and comprehend the whole picture. Reasoning with them is fruitless and only helps you in getting more frustrated. You can overcome this situation by changing your approach. The technique is to capitalize on your child’ s imagination and remove the negative emotions. Add fun experience by exploring wildest child fantasy.

To discipline the toddler is the most difficult thing as they are constantly trying to test the

boundaries. They should be made aware of these boundaries and a consistent behavior

should be followed when they cross them. Usually it is seen that initially when these

limits are set there is too much of crying, testing and increase in misbehavior to test your

limits. To discipline them you need to lay a foundation by building and strengthening the

connection between you and your child. It is easy for the child to accept the limits set by

you if she trusts you to meet her needs.

Parenting toddlers between 1-5 years needs great efforts. Some of the ways to discipline

them are ignoring temper tantrums. It is very important that the parent keeps peace during

that time. You can calmly tell the child that you can’ t hear her or you don’ t like temper

tantrums and hence will talk only after it is over. This will let the child know that her

behavior is not affecting you. With practice and persistence it can be changed to calm and

quiet situation. Distract and divert them from their original intention is the best way to

handle the situation. You need to encourage cooperation and this can be best done by you setting an example and talking politely to the child.

Setting limits with toddlers is very important and this depends upon your ability to do so.

You need to achieve the right balance between freedoms and constrain. It teaches them of

the fact that world is full of yes and no. Structuring the child’ s environment is necessary

and restructuring is needed at all developmental levels. These set the stage for desirable

behavior over the undesirable ones. Positive reinforcement is the most important part

of parenting toddlers. This works far better than punishments. Do not just scold them

for the wrong they do, but reward them for the right done. Avoid using ‘ No’ as much as

possible.

There are many parents who go through different problems of raising their toddler and

they don’ t know how to go about it. Some people have also recognized the need for

efficient, educational and comprehensive website for the parents which can act as a

support system to all their queries. Parenting toddlers support is very important to let

out your frustrations and some futile attempts to deal with your child. There are many

forums where parents share their experience and the help you to handle your toddler

more tactfully. There are many in depth articles to deal with different situations like

potty, training, sleep problems, temper tantrums and activities that they enjoy. It is also

important to have support of grandparents as it helps to have someone you can trust if

you have to leave your child. 

Parenting toddlers is a difficult task but these experiences are also beautiful moments that will live on in your memory long after your child has grown.

All about single parenting

Parenting by itself is quiet demanding. If you are a single parent this can be more difficult

as you have double responsibility. Inspite of these facts the single parent family has

shown a steep rise. In US alone 59 % have lived in a single parent home. The good

communication within the family and the social network and support to the family

actually plays a vital role in deciding the outcomes of these families. These situations

arise most of the time due to divorce but it is not the only reason. It can happen in

the event of death of a partner, adoption of child by single men and women and early

pregnancy which is very common with teenagers.

Single parenting is considered to be the most concerning issues to conservative people.

Effects of single parenting can be both positive and negative. The most noticeable

negative effect on these children is a significant drop out on their performance level.

They also develop negative attitude towards life which affects their academics and

extracurricular performances. But this holds true as tragic effect of sudden single

parenting. The kids of single parents are invariably more independent on the positive

side. There is stronger bond between the parent and the child. There are many factors

that can have varied effects on these kids: the parent’ s education level, age, occupation,

family income, family’ support and friends network.

Single parenting tips are beneficial to single men and women. The toughest part is getting

through first year single. You will have to make decisions you never thought you will

have to and gather strength you did not know you possessed. Some helpful tips can make

this difficult time easy for you: develop a support network that you know you can depend

on. This is absolute crucial. Be emotionally present with your kids while spending time

with them. To bring healing, hope and perspective spend time alone. Gather necessary

facts about your situation and make an informed decision. Grieve out your feelings and

spent time with your friend or a date to vent it out. Have positive attitude even during most

testing times.

It is never thought as a bonus to raise children as a single parent. Most of time people

talk about negative effects with single parenting. But this does not hold true always

as there are some positive effects also. The parent has stronger bond with the children

and it does not end when they become 18 year old. These children understand their

responsibility and help them to realize early the value of their contribution and thus they

gain self confidence and pride in their own work. Since they have seen conflicts and

disappointments early in their life they learn early to deal with their disappointments. Since these kids are never treated as the center of attention, they are more prepared for the real world.

Parenting is a delicate mix of feelings

When there is an arrival of a new member, the parents to be are a bundle of joy, anxiety and eagerness. Parenting definitely brings in the most joyous moments of your life, but it is a package deal with joy comes responsibilities. It is also the most difficult and frustrating task.

The most often asked parenting question is “what is the right way of parenting? Well there are no fixed norms. Being a good parent is a tough work. Each moment is a learning experience for you. With different milestones of children comes a new joy, challenge and change. You may provide the best of education, house and facilities, but what your child needs to grow and thrive should be recognized and understood by you at every stage of their development. Parenting just does not limit to the biological relationship but refers to the activity of raising a child.

The long-term job description of Parenting involves providing education, protect them from harm, making them well balanced personalities, culturally refined, emotionally stable, ethically sound, mentally alert, morally upright, physically strong, socially efficient, encouraging sense of humor, dealing with stress, spiritually upright, vocationally self- sufficient, internationally liberal and creating a healthy family to which your child belongs.

Do not impose anything on the child; let him decide the right or wrong but of course you have to inform them first what is right or wrong. Do not always spoon feed as it is very important that they learn from their mistakes. So let them take their own decisions. Whenever the child makes a mistake do not be judgmental, instead offer help and support to rectify their mistakes. Value for money should be inculcated from early stage and child should not be given more than he requires. 

Since today both the parents work spending quality time with child is overlooked.  This is an important aspect of any child that is growing up. When they are small they require you and want to play with you’ll. These can build very positive memories for future. Once they enter pubescent stage they are busy with their own activities. By playing with them you can teach them many things and correct them when needed. Take them for outdoor excursion as this is the best time to spend with your child and help your child learn values of life. Just talking to them and reading books can make him comfortable with you and treat you like a friend.  

As the kids grow up we often hear that the child has a particular behavior or attitude due to bad parenting. This is a daunting question which is faced by most of us. Good parenting does not mean just to make your child perfect but to aid them to become the people they are meant to be. Setting up boundaries and discipline is very important. These should be done with proper care of not being to strict or too liberal. A child has to learn to grow within these boundaries. Discipline is usually looked upon as negative but it should include instructions, prevention and teaching. These attributes are very important for a child as any other. Let your child understand what is wrong and right in life.

The best parenting tip is to motivate the child internally to build their self esteem and make them feel loved by disciplining them in a way that teaches responsibility.