Guidelines on parenting styles

Parenting is perhaps one of the most rewarding things that any of us can do in our lives but also it is the toughest work. You will commonly be pushed to your full capacity. You will learn things that your prior years of education and career never taught you. To do your job rightly it is necessary to adopt different parenting styles depending upon the situation. You undoubtedly are sure to experience great joy, challenge and change. With each milestone in your child’s life brings with it a different focus for you as a parent. The basic ingredients that is essential for growth and development remains the same all throughout the childhood.  It is the responsibility of the parents to work these ingredients into your child’s daily routine. 

It is very important that the parents should identify many of the important needs of children and find out ways to meet those needs as they grow through all the stages of development which includes infancy, toddler, preschool, school-age, preteen and teen years. An understanding of your child’s stage will give you a clear idea why is she behaving in that particular way. The understanding may help you to figure out way to respond to your child’s particular behavior. You can adopt a particular parenting style depending on these developmental milestones. It has always been a debate issue for all parents as how to rear their children. Most of time parents adopt the ideas of their parents; some take advice from the friends while others read books on parenting. 

Over the years there are many different parenting styles that are adopted. But all the ideas as to how to rear the child are grouped into three styles. 

Permissive:  

Permissive parents have few or no rules for their children. They give most of the control to their children. With modernization entering into all the facets of society this style is adopted by many parents. They want their children to feel free and not tied down to any routines. There are no set boundaries for the child’s behavior or expectations and they tend to accept everything in a warm and loving way. These types of parents give their children too many options which can often lead to misbehavior.

Impact on children:

These children tend to perform poorly at school. They always experience problems with authority and they rank low in terms of regulations and self happiness. 

Authoritative: 

These types of parents are both demanding and responsive. They monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s behavior and they establish rules and regulations that their children should follow. This style of parenting does not impose without consideration and it is more done in a democratic way. The parents are responsive and are willing to listen to their children. Children are guided to meet their expectations and if they cannot they are forgiven and guided but not punished. They are very clear in imparting guidelines for the behavior of their kids and their conduct. They are not restrictive and intrusive but are assertive. The method adopted to discipline the kids is supportive and not punitive.

Impact on children:

This parenting style often makes child confident. These children are often seen to be more happy, capable and successful.

Authoritarian:

This style of parenting is the most restrictive and strict. Here the children are expected to follow all the rules set by parents and failure to this may result in punishment. They do not feel necessary to explain the reason behind these rules. They are least responsive to their children and often have high demands. They set high standards for their kids and usually are very critical if the children fail to meet these standards. They usually do this with lack of warmth and affection. In this type of styling the parents usually do not feel the need to explain why they want their kids to do certain things in a particular manner. Usually these types of parents are obedient and status oriented.

Impact on children:

In this styling children are usually proficient and obedient. But they are generally unhappy and are low in self esteem. 

With all the different styles of parenting you have to decide which is best. Before deciding your goal should only be to produce happy, confident and capable children. It is most desirable to create a cohesive approach to parenting.

Step parenting advice

There are many different situations to talk about when it comes to step parenting. Taking on the role of step parenting is one of the most difficult. Each situation is different from others as being a step mom or dad to an infant is different than getting involved into an established family having teenagers. The way you raise your child and the rules and regulations you have to follow are the same no matter you are child’s birth parent or a step one. It is all about the way you approach your role and the attitude you develop to adapt in different situations. Raising step children is multi faceted endeavor. You cannot expect that you will be accepted in the family instantly. Allow some time to know the family and work on being friend. 

Tips on step parenting:

Patience:

Most of the people get into blended family to desperately make it work. Do not try too hard for affection and approval. Always have your limits set, if you tend to overdo the kids will resent it. Be patient as love grows slowly. Bring in occasional gift or arrange some special time alone, all this will help you to bond with the child. Care, love and affection will come with a good relationship, but you have to give it the time and space to grow.

Communication: 

The only way to resolve the problem between the step parent and child is by sensitive and thoughtful communication. The first step of teamwork is by having mature and thoughtful discussion. When you say teamwork it includes sharing duties, disciplining, supporting each other and passing out rewards and fun. Communicating with children takes both instinct and openness.  It is very important to listen respectfully to one another. Best discussions take place in an open and nonjudgmental atmosphere.

Discipline:

The biggest challenge for any step parent is to discipline the children. It is best to discipline before the need arises. It is often noticed that step children can often resent the discipline coming from step parent. To manage the relations successfully, establishing ground rule is the key. Calmly but clearly express to your child what acceptable behavior in all sorts of daily situations is. The discipline guide lines have to be discussed by the couple before telling to the children. It is important that both parents abide by the set rules. Also by doing so, expect some misbehavior at each stage of child’s development. Establish the stepparent as more of a friend or counselor rather than a disciplinarian. It is important that let the biological parent be the disciplinarian till the step parent has strong bond with the kids. 

Money Matters:

It is very important that the step parent and the biological parent discuss about the money issues before the wedding. To make your child understand include him in your financial discussion and planning. Discuss spending habits, child support, income and expenses and also about kids allowances. Make your children realize the value for money this will help you and them to cope up various financial issues. 

It is very natural that the child will direct anger upon a particular family member or openly resents a stepparent or parent. As a stepparent you will have to learn to accept it initially and deal with it. With the passage of time and with right efforts things will ease out. It is very important to have unified parenting approach. Communicate clearly, openly and frequently as this will reduce the opportunities of misunderstanding and increase more possibilities for connection. Kids can adjust to new family members and a new living situation when they feel empathy and understanding from their parents and stepparents.